In a stunning announcement, Capital University President Dove Coughwoman announced a plan for Capital University to receive funding from China. Belt and Road Initiativethe country’s investment program that supports infrastructure advancements mainly in underdeveloped countries.

In a speech announcing the decision to join the program, Coughwoman addressed skeptics who wondered why joining a foreign program was the best decision.

“The fact is, we can’t afford to solve our own problems,” Coughwoman said. “The ceilings are collapsing in our residence halls and most basements on campus are vulnerable to flooding. Money had to be found somewhere!

After a series of layoffs, tuition hikes and other cost-cutting measures, Capital relented and looked elsewhere for help. Originally, many efforts were made to increase donations from alumni, but most refused to donate unless the school brought back the Crusaders mascot and sent undergraduates to crusade.

The Ohio government was also approached for financial support, but the university was told such a request was “literally communist” and further requests for help were met with dismissive financial advice telling school to “stop spending so much money on unnecessary things like humanities or safe spaces.

Coughwoman has also contacted the International Monetary Fund, a controversial US lender that is forcing borrowers into tough austerity policies to repay their loans. However, after applying, the administration was told it would have to cut salaries in half and pay its lowest-paid employees below minimum wage, making it an untenable option.

This led Coughwoman to achieve the ambitious goal of joining the Belt and Road initiative.

“It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but it was this or close,” Coughwoman said.

They agreed and offered several loans asking for Joey Frontier’s Vespa scooter and fountain control as collateral in a move some have called a debt trap.

In a recent speech to the Chinese Communist Party, General Secretary Xi Jinping announced his new vision for the lending and development of American colleges and universities. While the initiative generally aims to increase trade infrastructure with China and provide competitive development opportunities in countries taken over by imperialism in Africa, Asia and Latin America, there was an untapped market to help institutes American higher education.

“While America has devoted much of its resources to spreading violence around the world and building up its military to threaten us and those it disagrees with, they have overlooked a resource very important: their education system,” General Secretary Xi said. .

“It means we are able to support those who seek common prosperity rather than the competition we see in our world today.”

The move has baffled foreign policy analysts who speculate on the motivation behind the move. Some see it as an attempt to influence Americans to turn against their government, others see it as an effort to steal skilled American labor to support the Chinese economy.

The Biden administration is reportedly furious with the development and issued sanctions against Capital for participating in an enemy agenda, viewing it as a threat to state security.