Q. My uncle created a lifetime trust for my brother and gave me my inheritance outright. Uncle Jim felt that I would be responsible for the wonderful windfall, but my brother had poor judgment when it came to money, hence the trust. I think it was a good call. My aunt used to be a trustee, but she’s tired of meeting my brother’s constant demands for money. She says he asks for outrageous things like plastic surgery (calf implants), a hyperbaric chamber, or a spa vacation. When my brother dies, whatever remains goes to his children. I’m next as a trustee and I’m just not sure I want to take that job.

If I become a trustee, is there a way to control my current claims? Auntie says he will call two or three times a day asking for something she has already denied. He wears her down and sometimes she gives in out of frustration. It sounds like a nightmare but if my uncle wanted me to, I guess I had to.

A. Here are some recommendations if you decide to accept the position of trustee. First, work with a lawyer who can review the terms of the trust with you so that you are very clear about your obligations to your sibling and the terms under which you can distribute funds. The lawyer should describe your other duties such as filing tax returns for the trust, investing trust funds, keeping records and annual accounts to your brother.

If you are acting as a trustee, write out a plan for your sibling that shows what he can request funds for and include examples. Let them know how you want requests made and how often. You can say something like “unless it’s an emergency, email me once a month with your requests and I’ll let you know if the trust can make the distribution.” Then, if he calls, take the call, in case it’s an emergency, and if it’s not, remind him of your schedule for monthly requests. If he keeps calling repeatedly with the same request, don’t answer. Never, ever give in to a distro that violates the terms of trust because they are stalking you! This will instantly communicate to him that his hunt is working.

If your sibling makes requests that are outside the scope of the trust, just tell him that you can’t honor his request because the trust won’t allow it. Remember that you are required by law to abide by the terms of the trust. Think of it this way, when your brother dies, the remaining trust funds go to his children. These children may request information about the distributions you have authorized and if they were not appropriate, they may be able to successfully sue you!

Also remember that even though Uncle Jim has appointed you in his trust as your Aunt’s successor trustee, you are not obligated to accept the position. Just because you are nominated, you can refuse to act. Speak with a lawyer now, understand what the job will entail, then decide. Also, if you decide to step in and later regret it, you can quit. It’s a big job with a lot of responsibility and risk. Not everyone is cut out for it and there’s no shame in that.

Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the areas of estate planning and trusts and is a licensed professional trustee. Liza is currently President of Monterey Trust Management. It is not legal or tax advice. If you have a question, call (831) 646-5262 or email [email protected]